I think im going to throw up on grandma
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
