I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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