I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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