he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
