this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
