Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
