I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
