Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
