Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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