I must be too annoying 4 u.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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