you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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