Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
