You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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