why didn't you poke me back
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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