do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
