We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
