Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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