Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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