Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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