ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
