You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
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