my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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