so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
