So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my liver is dry heaving
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
