dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
