Even the bartender felt bad for me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
