in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
