he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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