Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
