Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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