She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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