i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
