Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
