Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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