There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
