then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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