It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
