I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We had to coat check the pizza.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
