i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
