Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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