you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
