I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
