Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
