So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
