just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
