nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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