it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
