Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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