Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
my poor anus
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
