I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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