I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
