wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
