my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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