Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
