I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
