I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
