they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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