I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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