At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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